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Monday, 14 September 2009
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Emotionally Drained
It's been a long time since I last blogged. I have since been through a few surgeries as well as almost losing my younger brother. I can safely say that it has been an emotional roller coaster...
I knew that I was going back to school this year, but was unsure exactly what I should do. I had the choice between Nursing and Criminal Justice. My intentions were to go for Nursing, however I was told multiple things that definitely changed my mind. So now I'm in the Criminal Justice program, and I'm loving every moment of it. I do not plan on becoming a PO as that is something I've never seen myself being. I plan on taking the Crisis Intervention route.
I have also gone downhill pretty fast (with my anxiety/depression) as a result of a bad relationship that I did NOT intend on being involved in. I do not trust people like I used to and have since felt that I will never be able to fully trust another person when it comes to intimate relationships.
I'm currently feeling overwhelmed and angry with myself.
Tuesday, 17 March 2009
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Operation
I went to the Gyno yesterday for a second checkup, and I knew I was not going to come out of there jumping up and down with oober excitement. However, I was not ready for the results.
An operation is scheduled for the 30th of this month to remove an ovarian cyst that has not gone away in almost a year and a half. It has definitely been a very painful year and a half. I was shocked more so by the size of the cyst. Imagine a baseball sized thing just chilling in your body! I am almost positive [gut instinct] that it's benign. I've been thinking a lot about the possible outcomes. I've been trying to not worry, but that is hard considering I have GAD and panic disorder. The good thing is that my parents will be there.
I'm going to have a busy week, with lab test and a bunch of blood work. I don't really hate needles, just the site of my own blood [shivers at the thought.] I was told that I have to take it easy until then, which makes total sense. I already do that anyway from the intense pain I've been dealing with. I just can't wait to feel normal again.
Monday, 02 February 2009
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Beyond complicated
It's about 4:30 in the morning. I haven't been able to sleep much. Bad things happen, but I guess right now is no different. I just watched some crazy video called "The End of the World: 2012." As crazy and complicated as it sounds, it bothered me as much as my Grandmother's death. I guess now this is my never ending nightmare.
I've always thought about death in the most unhealthy way. Picturing the different ways I could be taken from the world, horrible dreams that I could not shake and so on. Yes I'm scared of death. I'm afraid to be around the elderly for fear of seeing them pass on. I'm immobilized by the fact that I do not want my parents to die.
This is really sad and way beyond complicated. Some people will say "shut up and deal with it," or "death is apart of life," but I do not want to hear that. If that is something I'd want to hear, I'd ask for it. I'm just venting some frustration and raw emotions I'm currently dealing with.
You may finish reading this and think I'm absolutely psycho- I don't care. Hopefully you wont have a [crappy, anxious, or complicated] start to your day by my ramblings.
Friday, 16 January 2009
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My Scariest Nightmare has come true
Of all the things that could have happened, my worst/scariest nightmare has come true. A beautiful, wonderful, but spit fire personality left the world on 1/12/09. I've tried to have a logical point of view, but I find myself lost. I'm numb, angry, and sad all at once. I'll miss her everyday of my life.
I just blogged about my scariest nightmare to enter The Uninvited Scariest Nightmare Contest for 1,000 credits. You can earn free credits too! Brought to you by The Uninvited - In Theaters January 30th.
Tuesday, 23 December 2008
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What's one reason you're happy to be alive?
I'm happy to be alive, because I know that I was put on this Earth to make a positive difference in the life of someone else.
I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!
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